totally clothed women!!

The latest hilarity just popped up on my computer screen. A "huge' brouhaha due to the Columbian Women's cycling team choosing to cycle "HALF NAKED"!! And bottomless, no less! OMG. A particularly nice quote  "unacceptable by any standards of decency". Some media outlets applied some heavy handed censorship to shield tender eyes:

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Whew! All the nasty, naked, naughty bits covered up. 
But ...
There are no naked naughty bits in the first place. At least on display. For here's a pic of what they're going on about:

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And just in case it's not clear enough, here's an illustrated guide to "totally clothed women""

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In "A" I've helpfully outlined what is known in the profession as "the uniform". It's what the athletes "wear". It's identical in form and size to the "uniforms" that every other women's cycling team wears and roughly identical to those the guys wear as well.

"B" helpfully points out the front part of what's called the "chamois" or "cushion". It's the soft, cushy pad that lets you ride for hundreds of miles without having the saddle wear a hole through your nether regions. There's even a matching piece on the back since the actual piece of foam/felt looks kind of like a peanut.

And finally, "C" is pointing toward what we artists refer to as "a shadow". It's what happens when light is blocked off. You can even see some of these "shadows" on other parts of these women. Their arms, their knee caps, gosh ... they're all over.

So then. It seems that the only sin these women are guilty of is having a central portion of their uniform colored something vaguely skin colored (although a look at their legs shows a pretty large mismatch that should be a clue it's not "skin"), thereby driving the imaginations of some observers wild, and being shaped like, well, women. Who are wearing cycling uniforms. 

And that's all there wheely is to it.